Patriarchy Is Hurting Our Relationships
Why so many modern relationships are breaking under the weight of old beliefs.
When people talk about patriarchy, they usually point to institutions: unequal pay, reproductive control, male-dominated leadership, violence against women. But patriarchy doesn’t just live in policies and systems—it’s in our homes, our relationships, and the way we show up for one another.
More and more, I’m hearing from people—especially women and those socialized as female—who feel stuck in partnerships that don’t feel reciprocal. They’re emotionally aware, doing the inner work, navigating their own conditioning—and they’re exhausted. Because even as they grow, their partners aren’t evolving with them.
Here’s one reason why:
Over the past several decades, feminism has given many of us language for our experiences. It’s offered frameworks, analysis, and the encouragement to expect more—from ourselves, from our relationships, and from the world around us.
But not everyone was invited into that growth. Many people—especially those socialized as male—were never encouraged to embrace feminism or examine patriarchy’s impact on their lives.
But let’s be honest: the invitation may not have been personal, but the tools have been there. The books, the conversations, the podcasts, the cultural shifts. And many have ignored them. Or dismissed them. Or actively pushed back against them.
Now, we’re seeing the consequences of that.
Partners with growing emotional awareness are asking for deeper connection, shared labor, and relational equity. Others are still operating from outdated scripts—scripts that say their worth comes from providing, controlling, suppressing emotion, and “helping” instead of co-creating.
This mismatch creates friction. And the burden is falling heavily on one side. One partner feels overextended, unseen, and resentful. The other often feels confused, defensive, or criticized. Intimacy suffers. Resentment grows. Everyone feels disconnected.
Here’s the truth: patriarchy didn’t just harm women. It limited everyone. It handed us rigid roles and expectations that strip away our humanity, our capacity for intimacy, and our ability to co-create meaningful, mutual relationships.
It’s time for a shift.
People socialized as men—and anyone conditioned to uphold patriarchal roles—don’t need to be rescued. But they do need to take ownership of their growth. Maybe the word “feminism” doesn’t land for everyone. That’s fine. Call it relational intelligence. Call it emotional maturity. Call it equity.
But the work is the same:
Unlearn the beliefs that keep you disconnected—from yourself and others.
Get curious about how power, care, and responsibility are showing up in your relationship.
Consider the reasons behind resentment, disappointment and distrust in your partnership.
Do your part without being asked, praised, or applauded.
Because love doesn’t thrive in imbalance. And connection can’t survive when only one person is carrying the load.
Reflection Point
This is where the change happens.
Take some time to sit with these questions—on your own, in a journal, in therapy, or in conversation with your partner:
What messages did I internalize about what it means to be a man, a woman, a partner, or a parent?
In what ways have I avoided growth, even when the tools or invitations were available to me?
What would it look like to take full responsibility for how I show up in my relationships—from emotional presence to shared labor?
What do I fear losing if I let go of the teachings of patriarchy?
What do I feel like I gain from patriarchy—and at what cost?
Let’s talk.
Have you experienced this mismatch in your own relationship? Have you been the one evolving—or the one catching up? What helped (or what still feels stuck)? Drop a comment and join the conversation.